Change is hard; there is no question about that. Making positive life changes may seem simple on the surface, but good intentions only go so far. Every day, people with noble ambitions fail in the shadows of daily ruts, habits, and negative behaviors. That is because change is not a single decision that one makes, but rather a series of stages that must be completed in order to achieve success. Whether you need to improve your health, take control of your finances, or put an end to bad habits, change is always possible.
The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change
To fully comprehend the process of change, it helps to first understand the transtheoretical model of behavior change. The model is based upon decades of research and is used by counselors, physicians, and other professionals all over the world. It breaks down the process of change into six stages:
Pre-contemplation
Contemplation
Determination
Action
Maintenance
Termination/Relapse
Each of the first five stages is a constant in the process by which a person modifies negative behaviors. One stage cannot be accomplished without successfully surpassing the previous stages. However, the sixth stage – relapse – is variable and may or may not occur at any point in the process.
Another variable is the amount of time a person spends in each stage. Those in early stages may be hindered and even delayed by complex, action-oriented efforts, as they are not mentally prepared for the task. On the other hand, those in latter stages may relapse or face resistance without an actionable plan that will facilitate progress.
Applying the Principles of Change
The stages of change may sound logical on paper, but applying them to your own personal life transitions is very different. By understanding the various phases that you will go through over time, you can put less emphasis on your failures and more emphasis on your readiness and willingness to change. In other words, success does not happen overnight.
Pre-Contemplation
Everyone begins here. It is the point in the change process in which change is not even an option or something to be considered. During this time, a person may either be in denial about a particular problem or otherwise given up on ever being successful due to so many failed attempts to change. A person in the pre-contemplation phase cannot be forced to make a change, but he can be motivated by knowledgeable information or the encouragement of a trusted friend, family member, or mentor. A person might require greater awareness about the long and short-term impact of negative behaviors in order to move to the next stage.
Contemplation
The contemplation stage is the point in which a person identifies that there is a problem behavior that needs to be addressed. During this time, it may be easy to recognize the benefits of change, but the challenges that come with change may lead to feelings of ambivalence and dissuasion. People in the contemplation stage must be motivated by the benefits of change more so than the perceived benefits of continuing with a negative behavior pattern. They may also benefit from acknowledging past and present successes, as well as the potential obstacles to success.
Preparation
The preparation phase is the bridge between thoughts and action. During this time, a person may dip their toes in the water with small changes or experiments with modified behaviors. For someone with an eating disorder, this might mean tasting a different type of food than would normally be acceptable. For someone who struggles with alcohol abuse, it might mean cutting back on alcohol consumption, but not eliminating it completely.
Action
The action phase is the one that most people want to jump into right away; yet it is only successful when the prior readiness stages have been completed. During the action phase, a person is actively replacing negative behaviors with more meaningful activities. They might make a public announcement to friends and family about their plans to change. Social and professional support are often key to success at this stage, as are intentional daily rituals designed to prevent relapse.
Maintenance
Maintenance – also known as relapse prevention – is the point at which a person has successfully implemented lifestyle changes and is now working to protect the results. It is important to continue setting goals and maintain support from others, as well as develop skills for relapse prevention.
Relapse
Relapse is a reoccurrence of the original problem. It is important to recognize that relapse is not necessarily failure, but rather an opportunity to learn and develop new problem-solving skills. A relapse does not mean a person must start the process of change over again, but rather must identify new solutions to obstacles as they arise.
Summary
Change only occurs when a person achieves consciousness about a situation and develops a willingness and desire to amend it. By acknowledging the problem, it is possible to begin addressing negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs, and refocus on successes rather than failures. By gathering support, creating an action plan, and continuing on even in the face of relapse, anyone can change their life.
April is Alcohol Awareness Month and a time to reflect on drinking habits and how they may affect individual and public health. Although legal and not considered a drug by many people, alcohol is the most abused substance in America. It is a major public health problem, as approximately 1 in 12 adults suffer with alcohol dependence. However, the other 91 percent of adults are not out of dodge. In fact, far more people engage in risky drinking behaviors, such as binge drinking, which can lead to serious long term consequences, including dependency.
What is Binge Drinking?
There is a fine line between responsible drinking and abuse. According to the Centers for Disease Control, binge drinking is typically identified by consumption that leads to a blood alcohol concentration level of .08 percent or higher. The amount of alcohol required to reach this level of intoxication varies from person to person, but generally, binge drinking occurs when a woman consumes at least 4 drinks or a man consumes at least 5 drinks over a period of two hours. Unfortunately, most binge drinkers consume far more than that. Among U.S. adults, the average binge includes consumption of 8 drinks on average.
While frequent binge drinking is not necessarily an indication of alcoholism, long term alcohol abuse can lead to dependency. Alcohol addiction can be identified by a person’s strong cravings for alcohol or inability to limit or stop drinking. Alcohol consumption may continue despite negative physical or social consequences.
The problem does not stop with adults, either. Approximately 14 percent of adolescents age 12-20 are binge drinkers. It has been shown that heavy alcohol use affects a child’s brain development, which increases the risk of future dependency. Data from the American Psychological Association shows that children who start drinking by age 13 are 38 percent more likely to become dependent at some point in their lives. It is of note that this year’s theme for Alcohol Awareness Month is Talk Early, Talk Often: Parents Can Make a Difference in Teen Alcohol Use. Parents play an important role in prevention. Fostering an atmosphere that encourages healthy conversations about alcohol can significantly reduce the risk of underage drinking.
Outside of dependence, binge drinking has been shown to cause or increase the risk of a wide range of social and health problems. Examples include:
Liver cirrhosis
Fatty liver disease
Alcohol hepatitis
Mouth, throat and esophageal cancer
Depression
Anxiety
Hypertension
Cardiovascular disease
Stroke
Violent behavior
Low productivity
Relationship problems
And more
The Public Burden of Binge Drinking
The effects of binge drinking go far beyond individual consequences. Society as a whole bears the burden, too. Economically speaking, alcohol abuse cost the U.S. more than $223 billion in 2006 alone, with approximately 75 percent of that cost attributed to binge drinking. By 2010, that number had risen to $249 billion. However, society is encumbered by far more than just financial consequences; binge drinking affects public health as well.
According to a CDC study, binge drinkers are 14-times more likely to drive while impaired by alcohol than people who do not binge drink. Not only does this pose a risk to the driver, but to other motorists and passengers as well. Approximately 10,000 people are killed every year in crashes for which alcohol impairment was a factor in the accident. Far more – approximately 1.4 million – are arrested for driving under the influence (DUI) or driving while intoxicated (DWI). Despite arrests, fines, and even license suspension, many people who get a first DUI or DWI will be repeat offenders in the future.
Help for Binge Drinkers
If you or someone you know engages in risky drinking behavior, now is the time to get help. Every day is a new day at Recovery NOW, and it is never too late to begin the path to a brighter tomorrow. Call us today for more information about the binge drinking and alcohol dependency. We look forward to serving you soon.
Have you ever observed others glued to their phone, couples sitting out at dinner looking at their individual phones, your children irritable and angry when they are separated from their phone or they lose “bars” (bars is cell phone reception)? The new term is PHUBBING or Phone Snubbing.
How many of us are attached to our cell phones, do not look up when someone is talking or are constantly clutching our phones as if we were Linus with a security blanket. How many of us wonder why our clients balk when we ask them to digitally detox and how many of us are willing to do the same? Try taking a trip to Yosemite or Big Sur where cell phone reception is sparse and you can reconnect with nature and yourself.
The team developed the “Partner Phubbing Scale,” which they believe is significant for demonstrating that phubbing is “conceptually and empirically different” from attitude toward cellphones, partner’s phone use.
The first survey comprising 308 adults helped them develop the nine-item scale of typical smartphone behaviors that participants identified as snubbing indicators. The scale includes statements like “My partner places his or her cellphone where they can see it when we are together” and “My partner glances at his/her cellphone when talking to me.”
In the second survey with 145 respondents, the team used the scale on couples and measured areas such as relationship and life satisfaction, depression, and “anxious attachment” or those experienced by people who feel less secure with their partner.
Co-author and assistant marketing professor Meredith David, Ph.D., said the findings suggest that the more one party interrupts couple time together through cellphone use, the less likely the other person will be satisfied in the relationship. This could lead to enhanced depressive feelings and lower well-being of that individual, warned David.
How then should one make sure not to “phub” or get phubbed? David advised being more mindful of how much time is being spent using one’s phone. Learn the interruptions caused by phones and how they can be harmful to the relationship, said David.
This research is also part of Roberts’ new book, Too Much of a Good Thing: Are You Addicted to Your Smartphone.
Are you a smartphone junkie? Rate each item on a scale of 1 (“completely disagree”) to 7 (“strongly agree”) and tally up your total score to find out.
1. I would feel uncomfortable without constant access to information through my smartphone.
2. I would be annoyed if I could not look information up on my smartphone when I wanted to do so.
3. Being unable to get the news (e.g., happenings, weather, etc.) on my smartphone would make me nervous.
4. I would be annoyed if I could not use my smartphone and/or its capabilities when I wanted to do so.
5. Running out of battery in my smartphone would scare me.
6. If I were to run out of credits or hit my monthly data limit, I would panic.
7. If I did not have a data signal or could not connect to Wi-Fi, then I would constantly check to see if I had a signal or could find a Wi-Fi network.
8. If I could not use my smartphone, I would be afraid of getting stranded somewhere.
9. If I could not check my smartphone for a while, I would feel a desire to check it.
If I did not have my smartphone with me …
10. I would feel anxious because I could not instantly communicate with my family and/or friends
11. I would be worried because my family and/or friends could not reach me.
12. I would feel nervous because I would not be able to receive text messages and calls.
13. I would be anxious because I could not keep in touch with my family and/or friends.
14. I would be nervous because I could not know if someone had tried to get a hold of me.
15. I would feel anxious because my constant connection to my family and friends would be broken.
16. I would be nervous because I would be disconnected from my online identity.
17. I would be uncomfortable because I could not stay up-to-date with social media and online networks.
18. I would feel awkward because I could not check my notifications for updates from my connections and online networks.
19. I would feel anxious because I could not check my email messages.
20. I would feel weird because I would not know what to do.
How You Score – Nomophobia (Fear of being out of mobile phone contact)
20:Not at all nomophobia. You have a very healthy relationship with your device and have no problem being separated from it.
21-60:Mild nomophobia. You get a little antsy when you forget your phone at home for a day or get stuck somewhere without Wi-Fi, but the anxiety isn’t too overwhelming.
61-100:Moderate nomophobia. You’re pretty attached to your device. You often check for updates while you’re walking down the street or talking to a friend, and you often feel anxious when you’re disconnected. Time for a digital detox?
101-120:Severe nomophobia. You can barely go for 60 seconds without checking your phone. It’s the first thing you check in the morning and the last at night, and dominates most of your activities in-between. It might be time for a digital intervention?
The New Year is a time of reflection and change. For many, it marks a turning point and the opportunity for a fresh start toward personal progress and self-improvement. While resolutions vary from person to person, it comes as no surprise that sobriety is a common goal among people with a history of substance abuse and addiction. After all, addictive behaviors by nature are harmful and self-destructive. If not sobriety a person may decide to reduce the frequency and amounts that they consume.
If you have made the decision to reduce the amount of alcohol you drink, quit drinking, stop abusing drugs or put a halt to addictive or compulsive behaviors, we here at Recovery NOW applaud you. However, the journey will not be an easy one. While admitting to an addiction and making a resolution for sobriety is a start, it is not enough. That is why we are listing our top tips for achieving your New Year’s goals and making them stick.
Make Goals that are Realistic and Reasonable
Your perceived achievement in reaching your goals is largely determinant upon how you define them. Setting narrow goals for yourself is a platform for disappointment regardless of what you are attempting to change or overcome. It is easy to become discouraged if you measure your success by the number of times you fall short. Instead, aim to recognize personal growth along the way. If your resolution is to drink less,stop drinking, or quit drug use for example, make goals that embrace your progress rather than highlight your failures. Remember, setbacks do not end the journey; they are merely a speed bump along the way.
Announce Your Desire for Sobriety or Plans to Moderate Your Alcohol Use
Accountability plays an important role in the decision to make changes with any problem behavior. When you tell others about your resolution to overcome addiction, you face social pressure toward positive change rather than negative behaviors. It is also much more difficult to pick up old habits when you know you will have to answer for them.
Embrace Change
Often, addictions and negative behaviors are facilitated by routine. Seemingly mundane activities can become associated with drugs, alcohol or addictive behaviors. Perhaps you spend every Friday night tossing back shots at the same bar with friends. If you start a new weekly habit instead, such as dance lessons or evenings at the movies, you engage your brain in new activities with no expectation of alcohol. Contrarily, continuing to visit the same old places while abstaining from alcohol could make you feel like something is missing from your life.
Whether your goal is a new sober lifestyle or reducing your alcohol use, consider making many changes to your routine. It may help to wake up at a different time, read new books, take a different route to work, go to the gym, eat lunch with non-drinkers, and even pick up new hobbies.
4 Find Support
It can be encouraging to listen to and talk with people who are on the same path as you are. The people you meet in 12 step support groups and other recovery support groups can help encourage you when temptation becomes overwhelming and also serve as a catalyst for pursuing your aspirations. Likewise, it may also be necessary to avoid associating with old friends or acquaintances who are not sober or who otherwise pose a hindrance to your own sobriety or goal of moderating your alcohol use. Surround yourself with people who support you, and avoid those who don’t.
Seek Professional Help
Finding professional help is one of the most important steps you can take toward overcoming addiction and reducing the risk of relapse or encouraging a goal of moderation. Substance abuse and addiction recovery programs can provide the intensive help you need to jump-start your sobriety. Professional therapists walk you through psychotherapeutic processes that help you identify the source of negative thinking and change the behaviors it is responsible for. You will walk away with a better understanding of yourself and the motivating factors that have driven your drug and/or alcohol use. You will also gain the keys to managing your stress and establish the foundation for a healthy future.
With the New Year in full swing, there is no better time than now to face the addictions that have held you back for so long. If you are ready to make this the year you embrace healthy, balanced living contact our team here at Recovery NOW. From substance abuse and eating disorders to love and sex addiction, we have the resources necessary to help you make 2016 the year of a new you. Call us today for more information. We look forward to serving you soon.
This year was a busy year of expanding our services as well as conferences and visiting treatment centers. Here is a quick snapshot of our year at Recovery NOW, Inc.
We added the following services:
Somatic Experiencing Therapy (SE)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Addiction Research Project
We added the following providers:
Eugenie Boidajieva, L.M.F.T.
Jennifer Chokemesill, L.M.F.T.
Jamie Hayworth-Chin L.M.F.T.
We attended the following conferences
West Coast Symposium on Addictive Disorders
Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorders
The Meadows Masters Symposium
We visited the following treatment centers:
Promises Young Adults Program
Betty Ford Center at Rancho Mirage, California
The Bridge to Recovery
The Meadows
Ocean Recovery
Balboa Horizons
Hoag Hospital
There is much more to come in 2016. Recovery NOW thanks everyone for the opportunity to tour their treatment centers and meet their staff. Thank you for the patient referrals throughout the year. We also look forward to expanding our services even more to meet the needs of our patients in 2016. Thank you and Happy New Year!!
The holidays are an exciting time each year full of family, friends, and celebration. As fun as this season can be, it can also be a source of great stress – something that can trigger relapse in a person who is newly sobriety. In fact, of all the holidays, Christmas and New Years are the most common times for recovery setbacks. This year, take proactive steps to combat holiday stress before it becomes overwhelming. Read on to learn our top tips for beating stress this season.
Set a Budget
Finances are one of the number one causes of stress each December. Gift-giving takes center stage not only for family, but also for friends and co-workers. You may even find yourself buying gifts for teachers, hairdressers, and other professionals who serve you and your family throughout the year. As the bills start to pile up, overspending can make you feel like you’re in over your head – a dangerous stage for self-medication and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Instead of going into debt this December, set a strict budget and stick to it. Cut back on the number of gifts you buy, or find ways of lowering your costs, such as by baking cookies instead of giving an expensive gift. If possible, avoid the temptation to overspend by turning off holiday advertising and find free or low-cost ways of enjoying the holidays with your friends and family.
Plan Ahead
Nothing induces stress like scrambling at the last minute. Whether it’s tuning up the car before traveling, shopping for gifts, or preparing a menu, the earlier you begin preparing, the less likely you are to feel overwhelmed later on. Take time to plan your party outfits and wrap your gifts ahead of time. Not only will it relieve pressure to do it all at once, but it will also free up time to take care of the unexpected.
Create a Support System
Sometimes, it is other people who become a primary source of stress. Perhaps it is the person who steals your parking spot or contentious family members who cause your blood pressure to rise. In other cases, it may be old friends who undermine your sobriety by inviting you to gatherings where there will be alcohol or other substances. Whatever the case, it is important to lean on a support system of people who will help you cope with holiday stress and temptations in a healthy way. Fill up your schedule with sober friends, or spend more time with your recovery program. If you still have time to spare, try spending some time volunteering, engaging in healthy, holistic and stress-busting activities like meditation and yoga, or even picking up a few more hours at work.
Whether you have a history of overeating or struggled with substance abuse in the past, nothing can sway you faster than the holidays. With food and alcohol freely available, you may find it a challenge to remain sober this time of year. Don’t take on holiday stress alone. If you find it challenging to remain sober during the holidays, contact us here at RecoveryNOW to discuss ways you can combat stress this season.
Is Marijuana an Herb?
Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the U.S., with nearly 20 million people using it every month. Though it possesses legal medicinal uses, marijuana is most frequently used for recreation purposes in an effort to achieve a temporary, brain-altering ‘high’. Despite the side effects and medical emergencies that have been linked to the drug, illicit marijuana use is still widespread. In fact, many of its proponents call for legalization of the substance, claiming its herbal properties make it safe for use.
The reality is, learning how to stop smoking weed is extremely difficult – not only because smokers are physically addicted, but also mentally addicted.
Herbal Dosing
While it is true that marijuana is derived from the leaves and flowering buds of the cannabis plant, the purity and potency of the herb can vary significantly. Since the FDA does not regulate the sale of herbs, and the government considers marijuana a drug, it is nearly impossible to know the exposure levels of THC or marijuana’s potency when being smoked, as levels of THC can vary significantly from plant to plant. For example, the buds tend to contain more THC than the leaves or stems, yet most recreational marijuana contains a mixture of each of the components of the plant, making it difficult to determine the amount of THC exposure.
Since THC is the component most associated with the ‘high’ of marijuana, the effects of smoking a recreational mixture of the substance can vary from batch to batch. Even in clinical studies for medicinal use, researchers have found difficulty calculating appropriate standard dosages of THC, as the biological interactions can vary from person to person. That is why the FDA has only given its approval to synthetic versions of THC, as the amounts of THC in the drug are more easily regulated. In fact, the FDA has not approved marijuana for any indications at all – including medicinal use or for the treatment of conditions like anxiety, insomnia or depression. We would recommend to keep up to date with Marijuana news on sites like Marijuana101.Org so you are always up to date with the current trends.
There has been suggestion that low level THC marijuana may have therapeutic benefits. This low THC marijuana was most common in the 60’s and 70’s. Possibly this may be more of an “herb” at low THC. Since the 80’s growers of marijuana have mutated the buds in such a way that they have produced marijuana with enormous THC levels. What once may have in fact been herbal, has now become an illicit drug with the same addictive qualities of drugs such as heroin, cocaine and other drugs.
Marijuana and THC are Not Safe
Aside from its mind-altering side effects, there are many other reasons for being cautious about marijuana and THC usage. One of the biggest concerns is the carcinogenic effects of smoking pot. Like tobacco smoke, marijuana smoke contains several harmful chemicals that can irritate the bronchial airways, cause cancer and promote tumor growth. Furthermore, people who smoke marijuana tend to inhale deeper and longer, resulting in a 500 percent increase in carbon monoxide concentration and 3 times the tar exposure and retention.
Marijuana significantly impacts the motivation center of the brain as well as slowing down thought processes and delayed reaction response. These effects may impair a person’s ability to perform at work or operate a motor vehicle. The term, “up in smoke” is used to signify marijuana users sitting around talking about all of the things they plan to do which they never accomplish. This difficulty following through, being ambitious and completing tasks in a timely manner is often caused by marijuana use for those individuals who use daily.
Smoking marijuana can also have a negative impact on fertility in both men and women. Research has shown that smoking marijuana can cause abnormal sperm shape, size and function. Men who smoke marijuana have also been found to have lower volumes of semen, as well as poor sperm motility. In women who smoke marijuana, THC can linger in the reproductive fluids, changing the quality and function of sperm that come in contact with it. Furthermore, marijuana use can lower the quality of the egg, preventing it from being fertilized or producing chromosomal abnormalities that result in miscarriage. Other illicit drugs such as heroin, crack, cocaine and crystal methamphetamine do not cause the same infertility issues as marijuana. This harmful effect of marijuana makes it even more concerning than other drugs.
Other side effects that have been linked to THC include:
Dizziness
Changes in blood sugar levels
Increased risk of bleeding
Low blood pressure
Increased eye pressure
Seizures
Gastrointestinal complications
Skin reactions
Dangerous interactions with alcohol, prescription medications and other drugs
Discontinuing marijuana use suddenly after daily use for a period of time 3 or more months may cause:
Gastrointestinal problems
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty concentrating
Headaches
Irritable mood
Marijuana and Mental Health
Marijuana produces mind-altering effects that have been linked to an increased risk of psychosis and other mental illnesses. Studies have shown that several factors contribute to the correlation between mental health and marijuana use, including the age of first use and genetic predisposition to mental illness. Adolescents and people with a family history of mental illness such as Bipolar Disorder or schizophrenia are more likely to develop psychosis with prolonged marijuana usage. If they continue marijuana use after diagnosis and treatment, the individual is not likely to stabilize their mental illness. There has been suggestion that the onset of mental illness may be earlier than otherwise would have been without marijuana use.
Some people may smoke marijuana in an effort to self-medicate for certain types of symptoms and mental health problems. The immediate effects of marijuana can be relaxing and euphoric, which may lead some to believe it can help problems like insomnia, anxiety and depression. In reality, marijuana use over time worsens these problems, causing additional sleep problems, paranoia and mental health imbalances.
Of course, marijuana can be addictive too. Repeated use of the substance can cause chemical changes within the brain, leading to dependency. The National Institute on Drug Abuse estimates that nearly 1 in 10 marijuana users will become addicted to the drug, and nearly 1 in 5 will become dependent if they started using the substance during adolescence. For those individuals who use marijuana during adolescence, the possibility exists that marijuana use may affect the brain development which continues until age 25.
If you or someone you know has a problem with marijuana use or is exhibiting signs of dependency, help is available. Contact RecoveryNOW for more information about beginning the path to recovery.
In order to continue to provide information on domestic violence and abuse during October National Domestic Violence Awareness month, we have prepared the following article.
Men who batter women come from all socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and religious backgrounds. The abuser may be young or old, blue collar or white collar, highly paid or unemployed. As a matter of fact, it is believed that upper socio-economic domestic violence and abuse is under-reported and concealed. He may be a drinker or nondrinker. He may use drugs or not use at all. Batterers represent all different kinds of personalities, family backgrounds, and professions. There is no typical batterer. The majority of batterers are only violent with their intimate partners. One study found that 90% of abusers do not have criminal records and that batterers are generally law-abiding outside the home. It is estimated that only 5-10% of batterers commit acts of physical and sexual violence against other people as well as their female partners. Although there is no personality profile of the abuser, there are some behaviors that are common among men who batter their partners. These include:
■Denying the existence or minimizing the seriousness of the violence and its effects on the victim and other family members
■ Showing extreme jealousy and possessiveness which often leads to isolation of the victim from family and friends
■ Refusing to take responsibility for the abuse by blaming it on loss of control, the effects of alcohol or drugs, frustration, stress, and/or the victim’s behavior
■ Holding rigid, traditional views of sex roles and parenting, or negative attitudes toward women in general
Typically, when trying to understand why men batter, people want to look for what is “wrong” with the abuser, believing that they must be mentally ill in some way. However, battering is not a mental illness that can be diagnosed, but a learned behavioral choice. Nonetheless, we often find that battererssuffer from Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, OCD, ADHD and/or Substance Abuse.An evaluation to determine if a mental illness exists is always important.Treating the underlying illness or substance abuse problem may allow the individual to regulate their mood and behavior and eliminate battering behavior. Feelings of anger and rage are often associated with men’s experience of Depression.
Men may use physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse to maintain power and control over their relationships with their female partners. They have learned that violence works to achieve this end. The vast majority of batterers grew up in homes where they witnessed violence or were abused themselves.While many batterers have substance abuse problems, there is no evidence that alcohol or drugs cause violence behavior. However, battering incidents involving alcohol or drug use may be more severe due to being under the influence. It should also be noted that many batterers may only be violent with their partners when under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
Most batterers find themselves in court-ordered anger management programs.Because battering is a learned behavior, it can be unlearned.These programs are designed specifically for batterers are the preferred method for addressing abusive behavior. Programs for batterers are not the cure-all for domestic violence, but one facet of a coordinated community response to the problem.
Individual psychotherapy is the only possible treatment to discover the core issues behind one’s battering behavior.Anger management groups do not provide an opportunity to understand why one batters.Groups allow one to develop skills to prevent abuse and identify the triggers of abuse, but they do not provide an opportunity to define boundaries, improve self-esteem and process trauma.These are the other essential components in addition to anger management skills of treatment that allow for long-term recovery from battering.
Couples therapy is contraindicated for domestic violence.A skilled Therapist should screen couples attending Therapy before they walk in the door, since couples therapy exacerbates domestic violence.Couples should only attend therapy once the violence has stopped for 90 or more days.Often this only happens once the batterer attends therapy individually for a period of time.Ideally a batterer should attend their own individual therapy with their own Therapist and a separate couples Therapist should provide couples therapy.The lines should never be blurred in the therapeutic relationship.
Just as victims of domestic violence require a safe non-judgemental environment to understand and change their behavior, so do individuals who batter.Seeking therapy is a sign of recognizing the problem and a desire to change.An individual must first understand why the behavior exists in order to make long-term changes.This same concept also applies to victims of domestic violence. Overcoming the psychological reasons why someone batters is the most important first step to rebuilding your relationship with your partner.Many individuals may also require a Therapist skilled in treating substance abuse in order to change their behavior.
Battering is a behavior that is often passed on from one generation to another.In order to break the cycle all family members including children who witnessed violence must receive help,Due to the fact we have many Therapists in our group, we have the ability to provide all the necessary services and coordinate treatment amongst the Therapists in our group.If you are interested in changing your battering behavior, our RecoveryNOW Therapists are here to assist all family members with recovery from domestic violence.We are committed to restoring family peace.
October is Domestic Violence Month. The signs of physical abuse are obvious, but many women suffer the invisible abuse of emotional violence that leaves them confused and disoriented. There are many tactics to this kind of abuse, but an overriding sign is that real communication is impossible, which means nothing ever gets resolved in the relationship. In fact there is a constant barrage of insidious mental bullying that is hard to catch at first if you don’t know the signs.
Your idyllic relationship starts to unravel the moment you finally bring up a need or concern of your own ( a few months into the relationship when the honeymoon phase has ended), and you’ll find yourself baffled by their cruelty. One of the easiest signs to spot is the frequent use of the silent treatment as emotional torture. Anytime you bring up any concern or need, you are made to feel like you are starting a fight, and one of the most immediate responses is the silent treatment. This silent treatment generally lasts a few days to a few weeks. Out of the blue, they will no longer respond to your texts or phone calls, often you’re not even sure what happened. You feel disoriented and confused. Silent treatment is deliberately being used as a punishment. In fact, silent treatments are one of the most destructive forms of abuse in a relationship. Here are some more signs to watch out for:
They frequently have temper tantrums over little things (feeling like you have to walk on egg shells)
Anytime you bring up a concern it gets turned around back on you ( they project it back on you)
They trivialize your concerns by mocking you
They deny something happened ( gas-lighting)
Their criticism comes in the form of underhanded jokes
They make false accusations to you, like you never pick up the phone, or you’re always late, or you’re cheating
They make themselves unavailable, and generally treat you as low priority……unimportant
They blame you for everything including their depression
They make you feel important by having you be their caretaker
They shower you with compliments and make you feel important so that the relationship develops very quickly and then you find yourself wondering where that thoughtful person is once committed to the relationship
They never apologize, because they have a hard time accepting they are wrong
When they come back after a silent treatment, they will act like nothing happened
They triangulate you with another man/woman or family member and then make fun of you calling you jealous
They try to “keep you in your place” by forgetting anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and are terrible gift givers
They purposely withhold information to keep you in the dark either through being evasive or by using lies. It gives them a sense of power over you.
They throw a temper tantrums or give you the silent treatment in order to ruin any special events
They isolate you from family and friends
Trust your gut instinct.If you start to feel you are being used and abused, you probably are. All of these behaviors are meant to lower your expectations of them, so they are able to have power and control in the relationship. The sooner you recognize the warning signs and demand change or leave the relationship, the better it will be for everyone. The best way to find out if your partner is capable of having a healthy relationship is to take the relationship slow, and by having a disagreement early on (in the first few months) to see if there is a constructive approach to resolving the disagreement, that involves a healthy give and take. That is what reciprocity is about. Reciprocity tells you they value how you feel and want to see you happy. A healthy relationship should encourage you to enjoy your family and friends and have your own hobbies and interests. What good is a relationship that tears you down.
You may visit our webpage information on domestic abuse & violence for additional handouts and information.
It is a transition most parents will experience at some point in time and one that many face with bittersweet sentiment. Anxiety, worry, sadness and loss are just some of the feelings that parents are confronted with when their children leave home for the first time. Though most parents hope their children will grow up to be strong, independent and successful individuals, the process of letting go can be quite painful. By learning healthy ways of coping with empty nest syndrome, parents can more easily navigate this challenging season and learn to better accept the process.
Tips for Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome
Recognize Your Relationship is Changing – Not Fading
Nothing will ever change the relationship and bond you have established over the two decades your child has spent in your home. Realize that while your role and responsibility as a parent may be evolving, it is not disappearing. Your children will always need you in some capacity, though it may look different than it did while they lived at home. In the same way a teenager does not need the constant supervision of a toddler or the diaper changes of a newborn, your adult child will have decreasing needs as well. However, your child will still look to you for guidance, love and support as he or she navigates the exciting, but sometimes scary changes that come with growing up.
Be Proud of How Far You have Come
Instead of viewing a child’s departure from home as a loss, recognize it as an accomplishment instead. Be proud that you have raised goal-oriented children who are making decisions and taking proactive steps toward the life they want. Moving away from home is a sign of healthy growth and an indication that you have done your job to prepare your child to begin standing on his or her own two feet.
Start a New Chapter in Life
Whether your children have already left home or will do so in the next few months or years, it is never too early to begin preparing for the transition. Take time to start talking with your spouse about the future and some of the goals you would like to achieve together and individually. Plan a weekend away to rekindle your romance and get to know each other all over again.
It may also help to begin making a list of interests and hobbies you would like to expand upon, as well as other roles you would like to take on or better develop. Perhaps this means spending more time growing your business, volunteering with a charity or joining a shared interest group. Try to think of activities and pastimes you enjoyed before having children or come up with new ones that spark your interest.
Just be sure to take the transition slowly, avoiding any major changes all at once. Adapting to an empty nest takes time. Jumping into other major life changes simultaneously, like down-sizing to a new home, might complicate the adjustment process.
Process Your Emotions
Remember that it is completely normal to feel grief when a child leaves home. Allow yourself to feel emotion, crying when you need to cry and talking when you need to talk. It may help to find support with other empty-nesters by discussing their own experiences with empty nest syndrome and how they were able to cope. Simply talking about your feelings and allowing yourself to feel the pain of a child leaving home is often enough to help bring closure to the situation and relieve the pressure of suppressed emotions. However, it is important to also press forward by maintaining normal routines and keeping up self-care.
Empty Nest Syndrome Linked to Increased Risk of Substance Abuse
Unfortunately, empty nest syndrome can produce severe consequences – especially for those who have found their sense of identity or purpose in raising or spending time with their children. Stay-at-home-mothers are especially vulnerable to these types of feelings, as they may struggle to fill the large void left by the constant presence and companionship of their children. The mental and physical exertion is only compounded when women at this age are also facing other major stress factors, such as aging parents, a looming retirement and menopause.
Research has shown that people who experience empty nest syndrome are at an increased risk of becoming depressed and turning to substances like prescription drugs or alcohol as a means of coping. When a person becomes dependent on substances to feel better, professional intervention is necessary. Signs of a potential drug or alcohol problem include:
Missing work, family gatherings or social functions due to the use of a substance
Increased conflict in relationships due to the use of a substance
Severe mood swings or irritability
Lack of motivation
Secretive behaviors, including unexplained financial problems or bank withdrawals
Changes in weight or appetite
Poor hygiene or appearance
If you or someone you know has turned to substances as a means of coping with empty nest syndrome, help is available. Regardless of how strong an addiction may be or how empty you may feel, the journey to sobriety can start today. Do not wait to get the help you deserve. Contact RecoveryNow, Inc. today for more information and to find out how you can take the first step toward a fulfilling and meaningful future.
How many of us are attached to our cell phones, do not look up when someone is talking or are constantly clutching our phones as if we were Linus with a security blanket. How many of us wonder why our clients balk when we ask them to digitally detox and how many of us are willing to do the same? Try taking a trip to Yosemite or Big Sur where cell phone reception is sparse and you can reconnect with nature and yourself.
Co-author and assistant marketing professor Meredith David, Ph.D., said the findings suggest that the more one party interrupts couple time together through cellphone use, the less likely the other person will be satisfied in the relationship. This could lead to enhanced depressive feelings and lower well-being of that individual, warned David.
The holidays are an exciting time each year full of family, friends, and celebration. As fun as this season can be, it can also be a source of great stress – something that can trigger relapse in a person who is newly sobriety. In fact, of all the holidays, Christmas and New Years are the most common times for recovery setbacks. This year, take proactive steps to combat holiday stress before it becomes overwhelming. Read on to learn our top tips for beating stress this season.
Is Marijuana an Herb?
In order to continue to provide information on domestic violence and abuse during October National Domestic Violence Awareness month, we have prepared the following article.
October is Domestic Violence Month. The signs of physical abuse are obvious, but many women suffer the invisible abuse of emotional violence that leaves them confused and disoriented. There are many tactics to this kind of abuse, but an overriding sign is that real communication is impossible, which means nothing ever gets resolved in the relationship. In fact there is a constant barrage of insidious mental bullying that is hard to catch at first if you don’t know the signs.
It is a transition most parents will experience at some point in time and one that many face with bittersweet sentiment. Anxiety, worry, sadness and loss are just some of the feelings that parents are confronted with when their children leave home for the first time. Though most parents hope their children will grow up to be strong, independent and successful individuals, the process of letting go can be quite painful. By learning healthy ways of coping with empty nest syndrome, parents can more easily navigate this challenging season and learn to better accept the process.
