What is sexual abuse?

Sexual abuse or assault can happen in many ways and it can happen to anyone. Men, women, and children are all affected by sexual abuse and no matter when the sexual abuse happened in your life the effects of the trauma can persist throughout the lifespan if it is not processed or treated. Many people suffer in silence from the scars of childhood sexual abuse, date rape, prison sexual assault or rape and this silent suffering is what creates the barrier to healing. By reaching out for support and breaking your silence with a trained trauma professional you can begin to heal.

What if it was my fault?

One of the most common effects of the trauma of sexual abuse or assault for most victims is the feeling that they caused or asked for the trauma. This is NOT true. Whether you were a child who was molested by a trusted family member or friend or someone who was forced to have sex against their will with someone they knew (date rape), it is not your fault. It is important to seek help from a well trained professional to help you process the event and your response to it in a non-judgmental supportive way.

How does sexual abuse treatment help?

Treatment for trauma helps in two key ways. One is to help you process the trauma and your thoughts and feelings associated with it and the second is teaching you skills to manage anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and other distressing responses associated with trauma. By providing support, skills, and a safe non-judgmental place to process your experience healing can occur no matter how long ago the trauma was. Sexual abuse affects one’s ability to experience healthy intimate relationships and feel safe in the world. Psychotherapy may allow you to finally trust your judgment, make better choices and feel safe in the world you live in.

What are Women’s Issues?

Women’s lives in today’s society are extremely complex. Whether you are a young woman coming into her own and trying to balance parental expectations with your own voice, or you are later in your life and reclaiming your independence, starting a new career, or returning to the workforce after an extended absence while you focused on your family, there are many challenges that face women. Transitions in life include graduating from high school or college, having a baby, menopause and aging may bring many feelings and concerns which a Therapist may assist with.

Why is therapy helpful specifically for women’s issues?

The various roles woman have in society as well as and in the family has led to certain pressures that are unique to women. Unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies and impossible standards for a woman’s multiple roles as mother, wife, care-taker and career woman as well as unachievable goals for work life balance can lead to a woman’s diminished sense of self. Fortunately, psychotherapy helps to challenge these negative distortions and help to form a realistic and accurate sense of self. We can help empower you to take control of your life, balance your needs and wants with the expectations of others in order to start living the life you want to live.

Will my family suffer if I go to therapy?

This is a common fear for women seeking therapy to work on their own personal issues but actually the opposite is more common. If you are suffering silently without seeking help, this struggle is inevitably going to affect your family. Though getting help will take some time away from your family, that time is extremely valuable to you, them, and your relationship. By seeking help and focusing on improving your own issues you are much more able to show love and support to your family.

What is trauma?

Emotional trauma occurs when you experience a stressful life event that threatens your sense of safety and security leading to intense fear or disconnection. The negative feelings persist even after the trauma has ended. There are some common traumatic events that may lead to an emotional trauma response like witnessing and participating in acts of war, childhood abuse, or being victim of a violent crime but there are also many less common experiences that cause a trauma response in a person. Trauma may also be the result of having the experience of living in a home with one or both parents abusing alcohol and/or drugs, having a gambling addiction, sex addiction or mentally unstable.  The most important factor is how the trauma effected you and your emotional response to it.

What should I do? Will I ever get better?

If you think you may be suffering from an emotional trauma it is important to seek help. The effects of trauma are pervasive and can be extremely severe but they are very treatable. With help you can recover from the effects of trauma.

How does treatment help?

Treatment for trauma helps in two key ways. One is to help you process the trauma and your thoughts and feelings associated with it and the second is teaching you skills to manage anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and other distressing responses associated with trauma. In addition to psychotherapy, EMDR and hypnotherapy are treatments we offer, which are specific to healing trauma.  By providing support, skills, and a safe non judgmental place to process your experience healing can occur no matter how long ago the trauma was.

Absolutely.

More importantly there are many

psychological and physiological consequences

associated with stress.

I feel like I’m having a hard time managing all of demands in my life but I’ve never needed Therapy before. Can Therapy help?

Yes. Dealing with the increasingly high demands in our lives and multiple sources of pressure have led to many very healthy people struggling with anxiety and depression related to stress. Working with a Therapist to help you learn the skills to manage stress and cope effectively with life challenges.

I always end up blowing up and making things worse. How can Therapy help me?

Many people struggle with acting out when they are angry. Anger is one of the basic human emotions and we are all physically effected by anger when we feel it. Learning to effectively express our anger is not something we are taught and more often we are taught to mask or hide our anger with other emotions which leads eventually acting out in anger. A Psychotherapist will help you understand your anger and stress reactions on a physical, emotional, and cognitive level and will teach you alternative skills to cope with anger and improve your positive communication skills.

What should I do my partner and I are constantly arguing and can’t seem to understand each other anymore?

Relationship and communication problems are distressing for a couple at any stage in their relationship. Negative interactions can lead you to feeling disconnected from your partner and feel as though you are no longer on the same team. Over time, these problems can lead you to the decision to separate even in a well matched previously happy couple. Working with a trained couples Therapist will teach you with the skills needed to improve your communication and work on distressing relationship issues.

We are dealing with normal life issues, how can therapy help us?

Many issues can cause arguments and difficulty in a relationship. Financial strain, work issues, family crisis and loss can all effect a relationship negatively. Working with a Therapist will help you learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse or partner and that communication will help you learn to support each other through whatever trials you will face as a couple.

Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy

How can I tell if I’m grieving?

The obvious loss of a loved one is what immediately comes to mind when one thinks about grief & loss. One may not expect that the loss of a job, expectations hopes and dreams one may have had for a child that is having substance abuse or mental health problems, the loss of a career, recovering from an addiction, the birth of a new baby are the not so obvious experiences that trigger grief and loss. In the face of a significant loss a wide range of emotions are common and people will typically experience all of these five stages though the order may vary by person.

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness and have become the model understanding the emotions associated with any type of loss.

The five stages of grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

What type of loss is significant enough to get help?

Any loss can be significant enough to seek help and support to cope depending on how it effects you. Loss of a loved one, loss of home from a disaster, loss of a relationship, or even the loss of identity due to becoming disabled or losing a career can cause complicated grief that would benefit from therapy.

How can grief therapy help?

Whether you are seeking grief counseling to help you move through uncomplicated stages of grief or you are experiencing a more complicated grief reaction and are seeking clinical therapy tools for help to resolve your grief, we can help you by providing a safe space to process your feelings and the tools you need to heal.

How do I know if a relationship is abusive?

Sometimes it can be very hard to tell especially in the beginning that a partner is abusive. Many times these relationships seem perfect in the beginning. The ways in which domestic violence are carried out in different relationships varies because individual relationships are different but commonly there is a dynamic of power and control present that is not part of a healthy relationship. Domestic violence does not always involve physical abuse. The most common form of domestic violence is verbal/psychological abuse, fiduciary abuse, and isolating an individual from family and friends for the purpose of controlling & manipulating another individual’s behavior.

What is the difference between domestic violence and domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Limiting family & friend contact, socially isolating, fiduciary abuse, psychological abuse and threats of violence may all be signs of domestic abuse.  Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

How do I stop being abusive with my partner?

Understanding one’s individual triggers and developing anger management skills is necessary to stop the violence.  The cycle of violence and abuse often has a cycle that leads to domestic violence and abuse.  It is important for you to become familiar with your own cycle of violence or abuse in order to break these behavior patterns.

How can therapy help if I’m in an abusive relationship or abusing my partner?

Working with a trained Psychotherapist may assist couples with learning how to resolve conflict without violence, or can help an individual develop plan to safely get out of an abusive relationship. If you are the individual abusing your partner, therapy will assist with providing you with the skills necessary to avoid the violence.  Whether you and your partner are committing to working on improving the relationship with no violence or you are an individual looking for help and support because you are with an abusive partner, psychotherapy can provide you the support, education, and skills needed to end the cycle of abuse.

The following are education handouts about domestic violence and abuse:

Domestic Violence and Abuse Power and Control Wheel
Equality Wheel
Cycle of Violence

Why should we see a Therapist if we have already decided to get a divorce?

Ending a marriage is one of the single most stressful events in life and many see divorce as a personal failure and a lot of feelings of guilt, loss, grief, and shame can arise for either person. For each person involved it can lead to confusion, fear about the future and uncertainty of how to put your life back together and move forward. Working with a Therapist can help you to come to terms with ending a marriage and move on with your life.

Is divorce therapy just for an individual?

No. Every member of the family can benefit from attending therapy during a divorce for various reasons.

Many divorcing couples will seek the help of a Therapist because a Therapist may act as a mediator to help the couple separate with minimal hostility and emotional damage. Addressing such important issues like living arrangement and managing parenting responsibilities are just a few of the many concerns that a Therapist may assist with negotiating. In addition significant changes to the family can lead to emotional difficulty for children. Bringing your children to see a Therapist during a divorce provides them with the opportunity to process their feelings of grief and loss and help them to come to terms with the divorce and the new family structure.

When is the right stage to get therapy to cope with divorce?

Therapy can be helpful at every stage of the divorce from contemplating the idea of separating to adjusting in the months and years after to all of the inevitable changes that will come.